We Bought A Zoo

1 Paw

Seen recently at Aksarben Cinema

I dragged my husband to this one. "But it's got Thomas Haden Church in it," I reasoned.

I hate it when he's right. My list of takeaways after sitting through this piece of poo...

- Writer/director Cameron Crowe, the cheesiest of cheeseballs, is incapable of making a good movie.

- Ridiculous plot devices (there are two particularly deplorable ones in this film) insult the audience and make me angry.

- I love Matt Damon (Benjamin Mee), but he needs to make a good movie again, soon.

- Scarlett Johansson (Kelly Foster), though nice to look at, is a pretty horrible actress.

- Thomas Haden Church (Duncan Mee) and John Michael Higgins (Walter Ferris), no matter how good, can't save a stinker.

- Colin Ford (Dylan Mee) is the latest in a long line of child actors who can't act.

- Who is the real artist behind Dylan's sketches? They are incredible.

- The older I get, the more the idea of a "zoo" bothers me.

- I wonder what it's like to live in the southern California countryside.

- This was a bad way to end a year's worth of trips to the movies (53, to be exact).

Bonus Bones: 10

Thank God for the multiple scenes featuring Leon, the well-trained beagle.

Hugo

3 Paws
Seen recently at Marcus 20 Grand Cinema

I love secret spaces. My grandmother's house had a narrow, somewhat hidden staircase off the kitchen that led to the upstairs, and I've been hooked ever since. Maybe that's why I'm so drawn to Hugo Cabret (Asa Butterfield), the wide-eyed muppet who looks like he was plucked from the set of an Oliver Twist adaptation.

It's not just Hugo's unconventional home inside the walls of a Paris train station that's appealing, though. It's the depth of the story, the talent of the actors (Ben Kingsley kills as George Melies and Sacha Baron Cohen surprises as the Station Inspector) and the magic dust that Martin Scorsese sprinkles in each scene that make the film an instant classic. Cynics, however, might prefer a screening of Melancholia.

A quick word about 3D - enough of it, already.

Bonus Bones: 30
10 bones for the police dog (who wouldn't love partnering with Sacha?), and 10 bones each for the long-haired dachshunds who find love with a little help from their friends.

Young Adult

2 Paws
Seen recently at Rave Motion Pictures Westroads 14

I'm a Juno hater. The 2007 critical darling from writer Diablo Cody (born Brooke Busey, by the way) was waaaaaaaay too pretentious for my taste. Why, then, would I subject myself to her latest effort? Because I didn't want to miss the chance to see Patton Oswalt (Big Fan, Ratatouille) on the big screen in a somewhat meaty role.

There's something very real about Oswalt's performances. He definitely delivers as Matt Freehauf, Charlize Theron's picked-on high school classmate who - back in the day - became infamous for being the target of a heinous act. Theron (Mavis Gary) manages some nice moments as well, but the heavy-handed script eventually pulls her under (beware the numerous mani-pedi scenes - I was somewhat traumatized by them).

A big thank you, though, to the casting director for populating Gary's small Midwestern hometown with people, not stereotypes (i.e., we don't all chew tobacco and watch Hee Haw reruns).

Bonus Bones: 5
I spent most of this film feeling for sorry for Dolce - a stuffed animal would work just as well for Gary.

Margin Call

2.5 Paws
Seen recently at the Dundee Theatre (still musty, still open)

I don't know 'nothin 'bout investment banks. I do know a good little movie when I see one, and Margin Call - a thriller that examines the actions of one such outfit's chain of command during the early stages of the country's latest financial meltdown - is on the mark.

The film's 107 minutes is packed with gem performances - Stanley Tucci, Paul Bettany, Jeremy Irons and even Zachary Quinto (the new Spock) - think Glengarry Glen Ross in a high stakes Wall Street investment bank setting.

The scene stealer, though, is Kevin Spacey as the good guy who knows better but (spoiler alert) bends to the will of the evil magnate because, well, it's easier on his wallet. Spacey seems to have turned into Gene Hackman overnight - his look, his ability to convey a lot without doing a lot. It reminds me that it's time to watch Hoosiers again.

Bonus Bones: 5
Get ready - Ella is a heartbreaker.

The Muppets

3 Paws

Seen recently at Aksarben Cinema

I was a freshman in high school when "The Muppet Show" debuted on television. The music and drama nerd in me loved the variety show format, the hecklers in the balcony and the guest hosts who appeared each week.

You could argue that such innocent fun has no place in today's troubled and sophisticated world. But I think you'd be wrong, and so must actor/writer Jason Segel, who stars as Gary. If the film's 97% rating on the Rotten Tomatoes web site is any indication, we're not alone.

"The Muppets" has a lot to offer - a plot that ties the past to the present, a series of crazy musical numbers, a despicable villain (Chris Cooper can do it all), a smattering of cameo performances from recognizable actors, and an ending that's as satisfying as watching George Bailey find Zuzu's petals in his pants pocket. It's okay, all you Joe Cools out there - let your muppet flag fly.

Bonus Bones: 10

Ralph the piano-playing dog has a few good moments on screen, and there's a long-nosed one who tries to order pizza while working the phones during the telethon.

The Descendants

3 Paws

Seen recently at Film Streams

Omaha has the heart of a small town. It wears its love for native filmmaker Alexander Payne on its sleeve, as evidenced by the genuine excitement surrounding the pre-Thanksgiving premiere of his latest effort at Film Streams (where he also happens to serve on the independent theatre's board of directors).

I count myself among the Payne faithful because I like the quiet realism of his films. On that note, "The Descendants" doesn't disappoint. The heavy Oscar hype that preceded its release, though, made it a bit difficult to live up to its billing.

The relationship between Matt King (George Clooney) and his daughters was more than enough to hold my attention. I found the Hawaiian land baron plot line somewhat distracting, as I did the casting of Shaggy (Matthew Lillard) as the 'other man.' I couldn't help wonder where the Scooby van was every time he spoke - zoinks.

It's going to be pretty hard to top "Sideways."

Bonus Bones: 3
If you look closely, you'll see three dogs in the background of several shots.