Prometheus

2.5 Paws
Seen recently at Aksarben Cinema

For me, the best thing about 1979's Alien is Sigourney Weaver. Ellen Ripley is about as good as it gets for a female character - smart, driven, heroic and one serious bad ass when screwed with.

I wanted to find a Ripley-like character to root for in Ridley Scott's much-anticipated prequel. My likely target - Noomi Rapace's Elizabeth Shaw. As much as I have to give her credit (spoiler alert) for performing surgery on herself, she comes up a bit short - just not enough Ripley mojo.

So - what to do? I ended up settling for the stunning visuals supplied by cinematographer Dariusz Wolski and Michael Fassbender's creepy yet charming David, the android with a robot crush on Lawrence of Arabia's Peter O'Toole. Fassbender, whom I loved as Mr. Rochester in Jane Eyre, made me keep my eyes open through all the gore and slime for fear of missing something, and that's quite an accomplishment.

Bonus Bones: 1
Look for Guy Pierce's holographic cutie before the mission begins.

Bernie

2 Paws
Seen recently at AMC Oakview 24

I love Jack Black, and I love Shirley MacLaine, but that doesn't mean that I love them together.

This film is an uncomfortable mix of comedy and drama. Funeral homes and murders and small towns are all great topics to explore cinematically, but the creepiest thing about this one is that it's based on a true story. Parts of it are hysterical - Matthew McConaughey is perfect as Texas lawman Danny Buck, Sonny Carl Davis is a scene stealer as one of the redneck townies, and MacLaine's best moment on screen is her chewing scene with Black in the restaurant.

I wish someone would give Mr. School of Rock a great dramatic role to tackle.

Bonus Bones: 0
No dogs, one armadillo.