Incendies

2 Paws
Seen recently at AMC Oakview Plaza 24

Oh my.

Although it's billed as a mystery, Incendies is more like a slow-motion ride into the depths of a family's unspeakable horror. And yes, just when you think it can't get any worse, it does.

Now don't get me wrong - I'm a big fan of strong female characters who triumph despite overwhelming odds. Nawal Marwan, played with gut-shot intensity by Lubna Azabal, is strong beyond measure, but hers is - at best - a story of endurance. Perhaps that's all you can hope for in a world as bleak as hers.

Make sure it's not the last thing you see before you go to bed.

Bonus Bones: 0
I'm not sure if even a dog could have helped Nawal cope.

Super 8

3 Paws

Seen recently at Aksarben Cinema

I think I'm one of the few people in the 50 states who didn't see E.T. when it opened in theatres waaaay back in 1982. I was in college and was busy, ummmmm, doing college things.

I almost made the same mistake twice, because the trailer for this 2011 version was anything but super. Sure, the film was about an unearthly monster of sorts. But it was also about so much more - a town that made you want it to be yours, an eclectic group of engaging kids with - dare I say it - more heart than the Harry Potter crowd - and a simple message about the power of empathy that even those with the hardest of hearts would have a hard time dissing. Heck - even the hot town drunk (Ron Eldard, the blonde paramedic from ER who pined for Julianna Margulies in season two) got a second chance.

If you were a kid in the '70s, this film is a must see. Just download "My Sharona" from iTunes and listen to it on your way to the theater and back. Summer doesn't get any better than that.

Bonus Bones: 20

There was a dog with a name - Lucy, a lost and found board with dozens of dog pics and a gas station scene in which the sheriff got buzzed by a scruffy pack (obviously much smarter than their owners) headed out of town for safer pastures. 

X-Men: First Class

2.5 Paws
Seen recently at Aksarben Cinema

If you want to make a pretty darn good movie, no matter the plot, cast a pair of small (in physical size only) actors from the British Isles in the lead roles. James McAvoy (Charles Xavier) and Michael Fassbender (Erik Lehnsherr/Magneto) make equally compelling arguments for good and evil, respectively. If hard-pressed, though, I'd give the nod to good.

I loved the film's Twiggy-like costuming (here's to the '60s), the Hugh Jackman cameo and the questions it answers about how the characters we know from X-Men (2000) came to be. I also loved getting to know Beast and Banchee - I'd want them on my team if I had to fight Kevin Bacon's Sebastian Shaw.

I didn't love the fact that the main female mutant - Jennifer Lawrence (Raven/Mystique) - was obsessed with her appearance. Teens need a better female comic book role model out there, people. Neither did I love it when Kevin Bacon donned the Magneto helmet. I think my Footloose memories of him were too strong to make me believe what he was selling, although he was pretty damn scary in the concentration camp section of the film.

All in all, not too shabby for summer blockbuster fare.

Bonus Bones: 1
The Nazi guard dog made the most of his few moments on film.

Midnight in Paris

2.5 Paws

Seen recently at Rave Motion Pictures Westroads 14

Thank you, Owen Wilson, for making a movie that made me like you as an actor again. Thank you, Paris, for being a cinematic showstopper (it looked a lot different on screen than it did the time we got off the train there, left the station in search of our 'tour guide' and saw a woman holding her baby over a sewer grate to, well, pee). Thank you, costume designer whose name I do not know, who must have had a blast and a generous wardrobe budget. Thank you, Woody Allen, for not starring in your own film and for bringing to life an impressive collection of the world's all-time great artists and writers (all of whom seemed to have a hell-bent penchant for partying.....hmmmmm). Thank you, Adrien Brody, for your hysterical turn as Salvador Dali - I'll never think of the rhinoceros the same way again.

Thank you, most of all, to the idea embedded in the script. As Dorothy so eloquently said from her Kansas sickbed: "If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own backyard, because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with. Is that right?"

Bonus Bones: 5

Look quickly for a big brown one in the opening credits and a Two Face black/white one in the restaurant scene. Gotta love them French.

The Hangover Part II

2 Paws

Seen recently at Aksarben Cinema

Has there ever been a sequel that's better than the original? If you time travel back to 1974, The Godfather: Part II came close, but no cigar.

It wasn't even close in this case, but II was still mildly entertaining. Bradley Cooper? Appropriate in the original, I'm so over him in the sequel. Ed Helms? Sympathetic in the original, a bit less so in the sequel. Zach Galifianakis? Hysterical in both. Mike Tyson? A nice surprise in the original, a bit embarrassing in II. Jeffrey Tambor? Short-changed in the sequel. Ken Jeong (Mr. Chow)? It's hard to believe this guy is a real doctor turned comedian/actor, but he's funny each time out of the gate, bitches (loved his "Time in a Bottle" rendition in the elevator). The requisite hooker? Sweet in the original, a bit freaky in the sequel. The script? Tighter in the original, predictable in the sequel. The setting? A good call in both cases.

I guess it's worth a trip to the theatre - especially to see the beauty shots of Thailand on the big screen, but it might make more sense to stay home and rent the original.

Bonus Bones: 1/2 a bone

The monkey was cute, but she was no dog - I hope no other monkeys watching picked up her bad habits. I think I saw a white puppy in one of the street scenes, but then, well, Bangkok took him.

Certified Copy (Copie Conforme)

1 Paw
Seen recently at the Dundee Theatre (still musty, still open)

Please pardon my pea-sized intellect, but I didn't get it. Worse than that, I didn't care that I didn't get it. I just wanted it to be over. So, apparently, did the three people behind us who almost made it through to the end before giving up. (That left a whopping four of us in the theater, by the way.)

Were they strangers who've just met? Were they married and then estranged? These, I'm told, were the questions writer/director Abbas Kiarostami wanted us to wrestle with. I've got another question for ole' Abbas: are you kidding me? William Shimell (James Miller) came off as a whiny aristocrat who likes nothing more than the sound of his own voice. Juliette Binoche (Elle) was just as off-putting in a shrew-like, nut-job sort of way (I particularly hated the lipstick scene in the restroom.)

It reminded me of when my mom took me to see a Carroll (Iowa) production of "Our Town" - while I was in grade school, mind you. My short life was somehow not enriched by sitting through all three acts.

Bonus Bones: 0
No dogs walking the centuries-old streets of Tuscany? I seriously doubt it.

Thor

3 Paws
Seen recently at Aksarben Cinema

Every kid needs a Heimdall. This extraordinary keeper of the watch, whose loyalty and fierceness leave you wide-eyed and breathless, is my favorite Thor character. There's a whole lot more about the film to enjoy, though, even if you aren't a comic book nerd.

Where oh where did they find Chris Hemsworth? With his long blonde mane and towering physique, he looks like an All-Star wrestler ready for make-believe battle on the mat. In the end, it's his charm and humor that win over the audience. Anthony Hopkins sports a series of the greatest eye patches I've ever seen, including one that's part of his head armor. His Odin lends an air of substance to the film that might not be there if another actor had attempted the role. The casting of Clark Gregg (I just saw him in an old Sex and the City episode where he was one of Miranda's speed dates who lied about being an emergency room doctor) as Agent Coulson was a stroke of genius. He's got just the right look and right amount of sarcasm to pull off the one-liners.

The female characters, on the other hand, are mostly throw-a-ways (surprise, surprise). Be sure to sit through the credits for a glimpse of what's next for this guy and his hammer.

Bonus Bones: 2
Pay attention to the pet shop that Thor enters in search of a horse. There's a quick shot of an adorable pen of puppies, but if you blink, you'll miss it.